you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
