i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
