I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
should my penis look like a turkey
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
