we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
