our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
