before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
