The maid of honor just puked.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
