I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
