so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
