Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
