i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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