I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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