Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I wish you could order shots online.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
