why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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