The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
