she looked like the bat from fern gully.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
