PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
