This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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