even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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