True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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