My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
