I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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