Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Panties = found
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
