I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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