He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
