I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
