mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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