i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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