you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
