You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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