I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
