you have to choose: penises or morals?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
