Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
