I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
