I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
She is in my trunk
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
this boner is exhausting
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
