last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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