You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
