honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
