I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
