do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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