What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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