ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
