just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
