meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
