oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
i think im in europe. pls send help
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
