I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
