I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
