I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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