Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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