the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
