I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
