its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
