he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Randomize
